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A WORD OF COMPASSION

Echoes from Calvary, Part 3

March 11, 2007 – Third Sunday in Lent

Lake Grove Presbyterian Church

Pastor Matt Hilgaertner

Today we continue our sermon series on the seven last “words” or “phrases” of Christ on the cross, this one being the third.  I’m fascinated by these words every time I study them, mainly because of how we receive them.  We read and hear these words as post-resurrection followers of Jesus, nearly two thousand years later than those who heard them for the first time.  Yet like everything else Jesus said and did, these words are so timeless, so relevant to our present culture and society despite what some may think.

But think about the first time they were heard, while Jesus was being crucified and in the days leading up to his resurrection.  Witnesses shared his phrases with the townspeople, spreading them around much like gossip:  “Hey, did you hear the latest?  Jesus said something else from the cross!”  If the crucifixion were to happen today we’d probably see his words in bold, fleeting newspaper headlines.  But the Lord didn’t intend for these words to rub off like newspaper ink onto our hands.  Jesus wants these words to sink deep into our hearts and change us from the inside out.  So listen now with fresh ears to the Word of God, as recorded by the Apostle John.

John 19:25-27 (TNIV)

25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.  26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he [Jesus] said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.”  From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

Jesus didn’t have the kind of upbringing that would make him the poster boy for “family values.”  From the time he was in Mary’s womb he was involved with controversy in one form or another.  Mary was an unwed mother, and the child she carried wasn’t the biological son of her fiancé, Joseph.  During his infancy Jesus was the target of execution for King Herod.  As a child Jesus was scolded by his parents who thought they lost him, when all along he was just hanging out in his Heavenly Father’s house talking theology with the priests [Luke 2:48–49].  Probably not the first place I would’ve looked either!

As an adult, Jesus attended a wedding in Cana with Mary where he basically brushed her off when she came to him for help [John 2:4].  And as the Apostle Matthew reports it, Jesus challenged those who would follow him to give up family businesses [Matt. 4:19]; he threatened to turn father against son and mother against daughter [Matt. 10:35]; and he told a man who’s father just died to “let the dead bury their own dead” [Matt. 8:22].  As preacher Will Willimon notes humorously, “This had to be the reason Norman Rockwell never painted Jesus.” 1

The Deeper Meaning

In today’s passage from John, we gather again at the foot of the cross.  He mentions several faithful followers who came to be with Jesus:  His mother, Mary, and her sister; Mary, wife of Clopas; Mary Magdalene; and the Disciple whom Jesus loved.  In verses 26–27, Jesus said to his mother, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the Disciple standing near her, “Here is your mother.”  This seems like a responsible thing to do, doesn’t it?  After all, Mary’s husband (Joseph) was most likely dead, and in that culture this meant Jesus was the head of the household.  And as a low-income carpenter and wandering preacher, Jesus had very few material possessions.  So we see Jesus having compassion on his mother, and lovingly providing for Mary the best way he could – by entrusting her care to one of his best friends.  Apparently they agreed to the arrangement because as John reports, “from that time on, the disciple took her into his home” (v. 27).

For many people, a simple and straightforward interpretation like this would be just fine, end of sermon, period.  After all, Jesus obediently fulfilled the commandment to honor one’s parents and showed love and compassion for his aging mother.  Even as he hung there in agony on the cross, Jesus kept thinking of others and caring about their needs up until his last breath.  In one respect, this is quite typical of Jesus.  But then again, Jesus was known for causing havoc in families.  So even though it’s tempting to stop here and feel satisfied, God intends to do more with this passage than merely satisfy us.  God wants us to be transformed, so we need to dig a little deeper into this third word from the cross.  Let’s take a look at our presuppositions about what it means to be a family.

Now I realize that the definition of family varies greatly from person to person, and of course there’s no such thing as the “perfect” family – mainly because families are made up of imperfect people, including ourselves.  But generally speaking, family members are those who are related by blood or marriage or adoption.  And in loose terms, we call the people we love our “adopted” family – as long as we’re getting along with them, of course!  Sometimes our experience of family is good…  When it’s healthy, and fun, and relational, and faith-filled.  But sometimes our experience of family is bad…  When it’s broken, or abusive, or unreliable, or oppressive.  If we’re honest, we all long to be part of a family we cherish, who cherishes us – because this is how God created us.  From God’s perspective, family is meant to blessing, not a burden.

In ancient times, there wasn’t much freedom or success apart from one’s family of birth.  Families in the Bible often lived with rigid constraints imposed upon them, and a person’s origin from, and connection with, a particular clan or tribe determined everything – identity, career, status, future, marriage, inheritance….  And those who lived apart from any connection to family were in many ways non-persons, undefined, destined to a lifetime of failure and poverty.  Not a lot has changed since then.  Even in today’s society, the threat of being “disowned” by family is a frightening thought…  To be shunned or rejected because we don’t conform to our family’s beliefs, behaviors, or lifestyle choices… To be abandoned by or separated from family because of poor choices or broken promises.  This is not what family was intended to be like, and yet it’s the reality too many of us experience.

A New Family

But we have a word of hope!  In this third word from the cross Jesus says, “Woman, here is your son; disciple, here is your mother.”  By addressing Mary directly as “Woman” instead of “Mom,” Jesus didn’t mean to be rude.  He was merely going about his Heavenly Father’s business, taking a step back and getting a big-picture view of what God was doing in the world and his role within it.  By calling Mary “Woman,” Jesus moved beyond the biological connection he had with her and provided a vision of what it means to live in Christian community.  In this brief but powerful statement, Jesus was forming a new family – the family of God!  And if you look closely enough, you’ll see Jesus laying the foundations of the New Testament Church – the people of God!  Though Jesus was her physical son, Mary now had a new spiritual son, someone younger than she who shared a common faith in Jesus as the Messiah.

In the same way, followers of Jesus are called to be spiritual parents and grandparents to younger generations.  To care for them and help provide for their needs.  This is one reason why we put such an emphasis on our congregational baptism vows.  When our pastors baptize infants and children, as well as adults, the congregation promises to care for them and nurture them in the Christian faith.  It’s our time to recognize God’s covenant of love and His promise of fellowship in Christ expressed so beautifully in the Scriptures.  This means praying for them, of course, but that’s not all.  For example, spiritual parenting may take the form of surrogacy.  My wife Kris and I live several hundreds of miles away from our biological parents and siblings, and being away from that family support makes parenting even more of a challenge than it normally is.  But two Lake Grove families, Jack & Marti Brutcher and Tony & Pam Davidson, have lovingly adopted us as their spiritual children and, from the beginning, our sons as their spiritual grandchildren.  They’ve been a tremendous blessing for us!  Jesus said, “Woman, here is your son.”

And then he said to the disciple, “Here is your mother,” after which the disciple took Mary into his home.  So followers of Jesus are also called to respect and care for older generations, to provide for their needs, to adopt them as our spiritual parents, seeking their wisdom and guidance in the faith.  How many of us would benefit by being mentored by someone who’s been around longer than we have, who’s been in relationship with Jesus longer than we have?  This congregation is just filled with people who are ready, willing and able to take on that mentoring responsibility if we would take the time to ask.  But often our pride and arrogance causes us to assume we have all the answers, or that we have no need to grow!  But cultivating close relationships with other believers is what helps the family of God to produce amazing fruit for the Kingdom!  So pray for God to open our eyes and see the beauty of His work in other believers, and the richness and diversity of our spiritual relatives and trust God will lead us into healthy mentoring relationships.  Mentoring others, and being mentored by others…  These are great ways to deepen our Christian faith and commitment.

Spiritual parents and spiritual children – just part of this new definition for family from the cross, is the way God forms His Church in the world.  But we have more than “mothers” and “sons” within our fellowship.  Christian peers of similar ages or life stages are our spiritual siblings, brothers and sisters in the faith.  You heard this earlier in the worship service in Mark 3:34-35, when Jesus said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!  Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”  God is always at work in the lives of His children, though we don’t always look for it or allow ourselves to recognize it – but it’s happening.  It’s not that we have to give up or disown our biological families…  Jesus is expanding our family!  He’s asking us to open our eyes to even greater potential and effectiveness for loving and serving, and moving beyond the walls we build.  Often times our spiritual family members become closer to us than those related to us by blood or marriage.  It’s a bond created and strengthened by the Holy Spirit.  Like the hymn we just sang a little while ago…  “Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love.”  This is something the Holy Spirit replicates over and over again – it’s no accident, and it’s nothing we create on our own.  It’s a gift.

Take A Look Around

Okay, let’s pause for just a moment here, and take a look around the room.  Go ahead…  Take a good, long look at those sitting next to you, behind you, in front of you…  Like it or not, this is your family!  These are your sisters and brothers in the faith…  Your parents and children in the faith…  Look at one another with the eyes of love, and not ridicule; with the same eyes God uses to look at us through Jesus Christ.  One of my pastor friends told me once that when he gets to heaven he knows he’ll be surprised to see some of the people there with him...  But he also knows many of those people are going to be surprised to see him as well!  We laugh, because we recognize it’s true for us as well.  Or at least I hope we do.

We are the family of God, called by Jesus Christ to love and serve one another, to encourage and support one another, to pray and nurture each other in the Christian faith – to spur one another on in good works, for the glory and purposes of God!  And like our biological families – I’m sorry to break it to you here – this family is also flawed, imperfect and dysfunctional.  This is why God calls us into community, so we can “be Christ” to and for one another.  Not everyone will be lovable or even likeable, but it’s your family.  And God calls us to love one another as he has loved us.  The Apostle John also wrote these words, in 1 John 4:7-8 (NRSV), “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.”  Some of our family members will be more needy, opinionated, stubborn, or grumpy than others… and some less.  Some will be more loving, spiritual, gifted, or talented than others… and some less.  Some will be more broken, hurt, sick, or sinful than others… and some less.  And yet God calls all believers to gather at the foot of the cross and be recognized as His family, to love and care for one another… and in the process – to be healed!  The cross is a place of healing.

As I mentioned earlier, Jesus likes to create havoc in families by challenging current practices or presuppositions.  So is Jesus meddling with you yet?  Hopefully we’re beginning to recognize ourselves in much of what’s been said so far…  For many Christians, this third word from the cross doesn’t come as a word of comfort or compassion – especially for those who prefer to keep their family members at arms’ length.  Maybe the idea of family closeness is foreign to you and you don’t know what it’s supposed to look like or feel like.  Maybe you don’t particularly like other people, regardless of who or what they are, or maybe they don’t seem to like you too much, for whatever reason.  These kinds of experiences can really put a damper on things!  Maybe the thought of relating to other believers as family members brings up painful memories from previous congregations or your family of origin, and it’s hard to trust others.  The Lord has compassion on us – and we also are called to have compassion on others.  We are the family of God.

Friends, this is the kind of stuff in our hearts and lives that Jesus confronts at the cross, and he wants us to offer it up to him so he can bring healing and wholeness from a perfect Savior, even amid an imperfect people.  It’s not always a pleasant process – but we can trust Jesus is there with us in this refinement process, giving his grace to love and be loved, to accept and be accepted, to serve and be served, to forgive and be forgiven.  Still, some followers of Jesus would rather not get too close to the rest of God’s family, perhaps due to more selfish reasons...  Like the saying goes, “If God seems far away – guess who moved.”  The same can be true at times in our relationship with God’s family.  You might recognize yourself here, as I often do when I’m lonely or weak.  We may think there’s too much accountability, and we don’t want to change.  Or we think there’s too much responsibility, and we’d rather not be expected to give and share so much.  For some of us, being a part of a family makes us nervous because there’s just too much vulnerability…  Yeah, that’s a big one!

The Risk of Exposure

But this third word from the cross means not just giving, but also receiving!  Receiving God’s love and acceptance and forgiveness through other believers.  This is how God works within the community of faith – through other believers.  So…  Whom are you allowing to love and adopt you as their own spiritual family?  Sometimes being on the receiving end is a lot harder, again because of this vulnerability – the risk of exposure, and ridicule, and rejection.  We put up facades, making people think we’re something we’re not.  It’s one thing in secular society to have to do that – but we shouldn’t have to do that here in this community of faith.  One way to begin dealing with this is to love and accept people for who they are – who God says they are in Jesus Christ – and allow them to slowly open up and admit their faults and shortcomings, and begin the healing process.  Perhaps we can model that for others…  All too often we spend time protecting ourselves, hiding our true identity from Christians around us that we become slaves to fear and reputation.  And the longer we shield ourselves from them, the longer we prevent people from loving and caring for us the way God intends for them to.

We’re all pretty messy, aren’t we?  In our own individual ways, we’ve all got stuff we don’t like to talk about or allow others to know about or see…  Anyone who’s been there though, to experience an outpouring of love and acceptance from people after bearing your soul to them…  It’s an experience that’s life changing, and it’s very healing.  So hear Jesus again inviting us to expand our perspectives:  “Woman, your son; disciple, your mother.”  Hear what Jesus says to Mary and the Disciple – he is forming a new family.  We’d try to go it on our own and “build” the perfect family – but the end results will be very limited, which is why Jesus wants to do it for us.  We participate in the process by allowing ourselves to “be” the family of God – and not to think of ourselves as more or less worthy than other believing sinners.  No one is above the need for the cross.  And no one is below the effectiveness of the cross.  There are no lost causes here…  God’s love, God’s healing, God’s acceptance – it’s available to everyone through Christ.  Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you!  The cross is the gathering place for God’s children, and Jesus calls believing sinners in to family relationship with others and with himself.

Yes, all of us resist at one time or another.  But let’s push through that resistance and commit ourselves to one another and to Jesus -- the way Jesus committed himself to us.  And while there may not be any perfect families or perfect churches, Jesus is a perfect Savior who strengthens these relationships, and causes them to grow deeper and wider – even amid the dysfunction and imperfection.  There’s a quote on the front of your bulletin, again by Will Willimon:  “Look around you just now, at these losers who gather at the foot of the cross, people whom you hardly know, much less have much in common with.  Pray to God for the grace to be able to see these strangers as your siblings.  Pray to God that they’ll be given the grace to see you as a close relative.  All of the inadequacies and problems that you had growing up in your family are being healed.  He who had no conventional family, he who sired no children, is busy forming the largest family the world has ever known.” 2  Very powerful…  That’s the power of the cross!

The cross is in one sense a symbol of spiritual adoption.  It’s a reminder to believing sinners that God has adopted us through faith in Christ into His family, warts and all!  Not only do we have this new family, we have new hope, we have a new identity.  Paul writes in his letters to the Romans and the Galatians that as God’s adopted children, we are co-heirs with Jesus Christ and will receive all the inheritance, all the rights and privileges that were given to Christ our brother, the “first born” Son of God.  Though we are imperfect, in him we are forgiven.  We are the family of God, linked together through a common faith in Jesus Christ, and though we are imperfect, we are forgiven in him.  Even when we wander and squander things away, like the prodigal son, we have a Father in Heaven who loves us and waits for us to come home…  And he’s waiting there at the cross, along with our spiritual sisters and brothers, our spiritual parents and our children.   We are the family of God.  Thanks be to God!  And all of God’s children said, “Amen.”

1. This introduction was inspired from Chapter 3, “The Third Word” of William H. Willimon’s book, Thank God It’s Friday (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2006), pp. 29-30.
2. William H. Willimon, Thank God It’s Friday, p. 36.